E-learning jako vzdělávací nástroj školy 3. tisíciletí

  • Full Screen
  • Wide Screen
  • Narrow Screen
  • Increase font size
  • Default font size
  • Decrease font size

Extra - Jokes on Birthplace

Email Tisk PDF

Jokes – Place where You live

Read the jokes. Then discuss them with your partner:

  • Which of them do you like? Why?
  • Which of them do you find stupid? Why?
  • Describe and comment on them.
  • Do You know other jokes on hometown, birthplace? Tell it Your friends:
  • Do you have the same view of Your birthplace?



My hometown was so small that...

* the clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill

* instead of hoses, the Fire Department uses water pistols

* the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Town Council & street sweeper

* we had no porn movie house; once a week someone left the shades up

* there was no town idiot -- everybody had to take turns






Hillary Clinton's Home Town

Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving in the country near Hillary's hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station. The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.

"Hey, Hillary! We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asks.

They talk merrily for a few minutes. Bill pays, and they leave. As they drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.

"You used to date that guy? Just think what life would be if you hadn't married me," he says. Hillary looks at Bill and says to him,

"Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President"



Tough Town

My hometown is so tough; gun shops have "Back to School" sales.



Vermonter's Diet

One cold winter night, a few southern Vermonters sat around and analyzed several studies to see what was the best diet to make it to the spring. They came to the following conclusions:

A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

C) The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

E) Conclusion: In Southern Vermont, you can eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.



Old New Hampshire Farmer

A New Hampshire farmer, a widower who never paid much attention to his wife while she was alive, now found himself missing her desperately.  He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife.

The psychic went into a trance.  A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife.

"Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, my husband."

"Happier than you were with me?"

"Yes, my husband...much happier!"

"Then Heaven must be an amazing place!"

"I'm not in Heaven, dear."



Vermont Laws

  • Whistling underwater is illegal
  • It is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
  • Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.



Iowa 3-Kick Rule

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Iowa He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here. "

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S. ; and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. "

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Iowa. We settle small disagreements like this with the Iowa Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is this three-kick Rule? "

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up. "

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn. "

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.



Strawberry Fertilizer

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

Navigace: 1. ročník Place where I live Extra - Jokes on Birthplace