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E-learning jako vzdělávací nástroj školy 3. tisíciletí

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Reading - Eating Habits Jokes

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Eating Habits - Jokes

 

Read the jokes and answer following questions:

  • Which of them do you find the best? Why?
  • Is there some joke you do not understand? Why?
  • Are jokes about eating habits popular? Why? Do you know some similar jokes? Tell it to your friends.
  • Do you experience some strange and funny situation connected with different eating habits? Can you turn it into joke?
  • What is the logic behind these jokes? What are they mostly based upon?
  • What are typical stereotypes connected with eating habits? Can you find them in these jokes? Are English/American stereotypes same as Czech ones?
  • Do Czech and English/American jokes about eating habits differ? How?

 

 

Is English food some kind of joke?

..... but not very good.

 

***

 

Q. What did the cannibal’s wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner?

A. The cold shoulder.

 

***

 

The four groups of modern foof: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

 

***

 

Two women from England moved to America. They decided that since it was a traditional American food they would try their first hot dog. They were talking about how mean it was to kill a helpless dog for food. So they went to a hot dog stand and bought the hot dogs.

They found a park bench to sit on and eat their dogs. The first one opens hers and turns bright pink... and says..... "what part did you get?"

 

***

 

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

***

 

Q - Why was the baby strawberry sad?

A - Because his parents were stuck in a jam!

 

***

 

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

 

***

 

I am on my sea food diet right now!

How does it work?

Whenever I see food I eat it!

 

***

 

Two cannibals were having lunch. “Your wife makes a great soup,” said one to the other.

“Yes!” agreed the first. “But, I m going to miss her terribly.”

 

***

 

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man.

“I don't have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, please come to my house!”

“But sir, I have a wife and four children…”

“Bring them along!” the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.”

The rich man replied, “No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!”

 

***

 

A cannibal’s dilemma: If God didn’t want us to eat people, why did he make them out of meat?

 

***

 

Yukon Cornelius walks into a North Pole pub and clears his voice to the crowd of elven drinkers. He says, "I hear you elves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up Yukon's offer. One elf even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same elf who left shows back up and taps the prospector on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the elf.

Yukon says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the elf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as Yukon sits in amazement. He gives the elf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The elf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

 

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How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.

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