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E-learning jako vzdělávací nástroj školy 3. tisíciletí

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Extra - Jokes on Lifestyle

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Read the jokes and quotes and answer following questions:

  • Which of them do you find the best? Why?
  • Is there some joke you do not understand? Why? Try to find the logic for it using the internet?
  • Do you know some joke lifestyle based? Tell it to your comrades.
  • What is the logic behind these jokes? What are they mostly based upon?

 

 

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now." The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied: "remember, this is your reward in Heaven." The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This IS Heaven!" The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." Never again. All you do here is enjoying yourself."

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your #*@$ broccoli!!. We could have been here ten years ago!"

A man was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so good for you!

Human Equations

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:

Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:

Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words:

A Human that doesn’t know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

-- Jack Handey

Life is a cement trampoline.

-- Howard Nordberg

Living involves tearing up one rough draft after another.

-- Author Unknown

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."

-- Groucho Marx

"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault."
-- Henry Kissinger

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